Small Stream Trout fishing in Michigan

The Fisherman’s Theory of Relativity


Einstein’s theory of relativity states “there is no one true movement or frame of reference when speaking of events of the world.” A popular example is a man sitting on a cliff watches a cruise ship motor by at 20 miles per hour and on the deck a man rolls a bowling ball toward the bow at 20 miles per hour. To the man on the cliff the ball moves forward at 40 mile per hour but for the men on the ship it only moves at 20. So movements are relative.

That’s all well and good but that leaves the rest of us, especially fishermen, wondering just what is the practical application? Let’s just say I was able to get Feral to participate in a similar experiment whereby I have him overhand cast a #13 Rapala Floater forward at 50 miles an hour while standing on the bow of my bass boat also traveling 50 miles per hour. In the interest of science I’ll hunker down below the plexiglass windshield to lessen the drag co-efficient. I theorize that for approximately five seconds – time will literally stand still for the the lure, in effect actual time travel, then suddenly reappear a moment before Feral screams. A second theory postulates that a man standing on a dock watching this unfold would find it hysterical.

I ‘m not sure Feral would willingly participate so I have come up with a second experiment involving cannons of which Feral has some expertise. In this experiment a man (Feral) is shot out of a cannon mounted on the front of my bass boat. I will need to confirm human velocity from cannons and match the speed of the boat but the idea is we synchronize our watches before Feral slides down the cannon barrel. My theory is that when I discharge the cannon – time will literally stand still for Feral, i.e. Time Travel, for about five seconds as he travels forward at the same speed as the boat. I theorize also I will need to repair the boat’s plexiglass windshield unless he hangs up on the cannon proper, after which, the real excitement begins. If his watch was not destroyed in the blast or subsequent reentry into earth time proper and my theory is correct, his watch will be ticking five seconds behind mine and we will have concluded the first of many fun filled time-travel experiments. And that of course will be “step one” in our quest to find a single unifying theory of the universe.

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